Apr. 16th, 2007 @ 09:39 am
All I've found with bull semen is it activates my gag reflex.|
Ok, I'm pretty sure everyone that might get ahold of my LJ knows Lisa and I are broken up...again, but I just want it out there, on the record exactly what happened. For my own well being and just because. This isn't the return of the "Nick's depressed" LJ rants either, I'm actually just the opposite. Anyways, on with the tale.|
Lisa started going out with Jenny a lot the last 2 months again. I really didn't notice much because everything else was, as far as I could tell, going swimmingly. Valentines Day, or the weekend before it, wen't off really well and I could honestly say I was never more happy. So, the saturday before Valentines, Lisa and I went to Olive Garden. I really hadn't been able to find anything really special this year for V-day, but she insisted that dinner was fine so I was happy to take a year off. We had a nice time and went back to Valpo where she got ready and went out to the bar with Jenny that night. Whenever Lisa goes out I usually stay up watching TV, playing games, stuff like that until she comes home just in case she needs a ride because she's drank too much or her old ass car finally breaks down. Well I was up until 4:30 that morning before falling asleep on the couch. I texted her a little after 3 (when the bar closes) to see if she was gonna be home soon because I was tired. 45 minutes later I got something like, "We're at SNS, be home soon!" and she wasn't back before I finally dozed off. (more on this later)
So next comes last weekend. I had to go to Toledo sunday afternoon and spend a week at Owens Corning HQ for a sales training program. Lisa went out the night before with Jenny again. I didn't bother staying up because I had to be awake enough to drive 3 hours to ohio. Suprisingly to me, I wake up at about 5:00 am to take a leak and she's still not home. Now I wont go into the long, elaborate history of Lisa and I's many, many, falling out's, but this is the exact pattern it always follows. So she gets back around 6 am (it was already daylight out) and I'd been worried as hell about whats going on. She climbs into bed and I ask her flat out if she's seeing this guy Mike who she ditched me for last time. She'd mentioned seeing and talking to Mike a few times before, but in the spirit of being a trusting bf I didn't let her know how much that bothered me. She denied it up and down and layed a pretty good guilt trip on me about how she thought I was past all that, ect ect. The next day things are a little awkward but not bad and I leave for Toledo.
I pretty much spent the entire drive worrying about if I was right to accuse her like I did. It's always gone bad like that and I was still very uneasy about the whole thing. When Tuesday comes by, I try to talk to her about it on the phone and Lisa gets all dodgy and I really didn't want to get into a big thing over the phone 200 miles away. Before it ends though, I ask her, "well are you still happy?" and got, "I dunno, we'll talk about it when you get back." Which completely sucked the guts right out of me. Not only because I know what that means, but because I was right and she tried to make me feel bad about it that morning. So I sit in my room freaking out and end up blowing off some folks from my training class because I was afraid of breaking down in front of them. The next day Lisa texts me something like, "Im sorry about yesterday, didn't want to talk about that over the phone" and I kinda fooled myself into thinking I just misread the way she said it. Anyways, to make this a little more brief. Thursday I went to a bar in Toledo with a bunch of guys and girls from the class, got really trashed, but kept my ass parked firmly in a chair because I just didn't want to go back to Valpo feeling like I'd cheated on her. And believe me, by being my "gots a girlfriend" I had girls talking to me that I never would have had talk to me any other night. It was terrible. :-P
So, I get back and I dont want to waste any time. Lisa say's she's not happy and that since we're pretty much just friends anyway anymore (grandparents fool around more than we do) we might as well see other people. This hurts my feelings terribly because sex was always the reason that aggravated me before, and I'd managed to finally get over that bugaboo in our relationship and now she's dumping ME over it. How's that for irony? So I tell her to take a fucking walk because I'd laid down the rules of living together when she begged me to give her another chance last year. And I mean that, she begged and pleaded for a goddamn week to take her with me to Ft Wayne when I moved. I meant what I said though and she got all pissed like this was my doing and gave me the cold shoulder until she left to go to the bar with Jenny. I laid on the couch thinking about this whole thing for a long time and at some point Lisa's cat Shinka came and snuggled up with me and started purring and made me happy for the first time all day. So I decided that I'd give staying in the same place as friends a try, especially since I couldn't be sure I'd be able to get the other half of the rent money and I'd really miss her cats and (possibly) her company.
So yesterday was pretty good. I convinced myself that I could find another girl and be able to handle Lisa, at least for the short term. She went out again last night and didn't come home till 6:30. I know this because I'd already woken up 10 minutes before that because the sun was crazy bright. While taking a leak in the bathroom, I noticed her camera sitting there. So I checked out what pics were on it and there were like 6 from an apartment that looks just like ours with Jenny, some guys and some other girls all over. At first I got insane pissed because I thought she was having these people over while I was sleeping. Seriously, I almost walked in there and started choking her. Luckily for her upon closer inspection there were liquor bottles along the cupboards in the pic and so it must be someone who lives in this complex somewhere or something. So I hit the menu button and it brought up the date: 2-12-06. The morning after our Valentines dinner. I wen't from angry to shocked. If I'd had a gun, I seriously would have shot myself in the head just so that she could find my dead body there with her camera and know. She was telling me she loved me and how great our weekend was and then spent who knows how long boozing with some guys, possibly right here in my own complex. So now I don't know what to do. I'm having a hard time even looking at her. She spent the entire day online or on the phone (with the door shut) like she's 13 and I'm her dad. She's now off somewhere and I wish I'd never agreed to let her stay. I'm so tired and stressed right now. Between the week in Ohio and this weekend, I haven't slept normally in 10 days. I'm approaching burn out and it's frustrating.
so thats all, hopefully this will at least let me get to sleep in less than an hour.
So I got my root canal today. For those who know me well, you know that I have the most cavity prone teeth in existence. I get compliments out the ass about how straight they are, and then I open them and the dentist goes, "you probably now more about fillings than I do" It's that bad. |
so anyways, I go in there today to get a root canal on a tooth thats been bugging me for nigh on 8 months. Its so bad that it makes the whole side of my face throb when it gets warmed up. So I go in, and the doc is new to me, so he's explaining it like he needs to calm me down, "now we're gonna do this, and this..." and Im like, "dont worry doc, Im pretty used to this drill. btw, if your gonna use novacaine, gimme the hard stuff cuz I dont numb easy" so 6 shots later and the tooth is still throbbing and not numb. He also gave me a couple happy pills to "calm" me down. As though I was gonna go running around in terror. So he sits down and goes, "well, if you can still feel that tooth, odds are you're gonna want to get put under." and so Im like, "well if thats what you think, i guess" and he explains that its 600 bucks more and it'd have to reschedule a new appointment. Now thats a no deal. My face has killed all weekend, even when coasting on a handful of vicadin it was hurting. So I tell him, "doc, I'm no stranger to pain at the dentist, as long as its not excruciating, i can get through it"
So he goes to work and other than one or two sharp pains as he pulled the nerve out, it was a cakewalk. You're welcome mom and dad, I gutted it out and saved you 600 bucks :-P
The point of this story is? I am way too familar with a detists office...damn pop.
Nov. 21st, 2004 @ 09:10 am
Well, my cat Rip is still having lotsa problems with his bladder/kidneys. He got a blockage this morning and I had to take him to the Emergency Vet at PNC since its a Sunday. His bladder was as hard as a baseball they said and they had to run blood scans to see if it had backed into his kidneys and started to poison him. I have to pick him up from there tomorrow morning and take him to Vale Park for a few more days of catheterization and stuff until his bladder is all cleaned out.|
bottom line is, anyone out there rich or generous and want to help save my cats life? Its already up to 500 dollars and I owe Lisa 160 from the last trip still and who knows how much the next trip to Vale Park will be. Im not putting Rip to sleep because I shut the toilet seat and he didn't get enough water, I just can't do that.
Nov. 15th, 2004 @ 01:53 pm
You Are From Mercury
You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable - and it shows.
You probably never leave home without your cell phone!
You're witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you.
You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer.
Be careful not to talk your friends' ears off, and temper your need to know everything.
|» For all you blind Bush haters, a little bit of the other side|
With my daddy's help, I got into exclusive Andover, where I was a mediocre student.
(everyone at andover probably got help from rich daddies)
Was in the bottom 20 percent of students as a freshman at Yale, where I also joined the secret Skull and Bones society.
(John Kerry and a shitload of other movers and shakers from both parties are Bonesman too)
Applied to the University of Texas Law School and was rejected.
(Don't know anything about that, probably true)
Past work experience:
Ran for congress and lost.
Served for a decade on the board of a company that financed several R-rated slasher B movies.
Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, so the company went bankrupt. Sold all my stock just in the nick of time to a wealthy Saudi friend of my father.
(this is my biggest gripe of Farenheit 9-11. George Bush Sr. at the time was head of the CIA, Arbusto Oil was almost certainly a front for laundering money and providing cover for agents and other intelligence personnel to move around with official Oil Business credentials seeing as how, at the time, the Middle East was a damn nightmare. So if you look at Arbusto, with George Jr. as its head, as a CIA front company, then you can realize why it looked like it looked)
Bought a small portion of the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that forcibly took land using eminent domain and taxpayer money. Most notable decision: Traded Sammy Sosa to the White Sox for Harold Baines. Most notable profiteering: Parlayed a $605K loan into a $14.9 Million profit using taxpayer money and eminent domain laws to evict homeowners, obtain land and increase the value of the shares in the Texas Rangers.
(i know nothing about real estate, cant comment here)
Accomplishments While Governor of Texas (1995-2000):
Relaxed pollution laws for power and oil companies (I "grandfathered" the dirtiest coal burning power plants, making them exempt from clean air laws, for example) and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union, in 1999. The same year, Houston had the "highest ozone level reading in the nation", and was second most ozone-polluted city in the country from 1997 through 1999.
(probably true, he did it nationally too. at the same time Texas had had a couple terms with a Democratic gov and had a stagnating economy. its still a "environment or jobs" scenario in most places)
Slashed taxes, reduced state revenue to the point of bankruptcy and put the Texas government in debt for billions in borrowed money, the interest for which is now paid for by the Texas taxpayer.
(this is almost certainly true too. if there's one thing you'll notice about any politician is that getting into debt is priority #1. it greases the palms of everyone that contributes, and if you believe in conspiracies, like I do, its a sinister way of keeping America in hoc to global banking interests)
Set a record for the most executions by any Governor in American history and became famous for publicly mocking Faye Tucker, a Christian female death row inmate, for her clemency plea before she was executed.
(read that link, he supposedly mocks her clemency plea, yet she never made one. how is that?)
Appointed US President, on a questionable decision by a highly partisan Supreme Court, after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes.
(jesus, he won the electoral college, its called obeying the constitution. as for the recount, dozens, if not hundreds of independant recounts were done since. Only a small, obviously biased few, came up with a gore victory when they finished)
Accomplishments While US President (2001-present):kj,
Attacked and invaded two countries so far, losing more US soldiers after I claimed "Mission Accomplished" than the total number who were killed during full combat operations in both wars combined.
(if you had told anyone on the eve of the war that only 1100 soldiers would be dead in a year and a half after the invasion, they'd be thanking God. the initial battle for bagdad was supposed to cost 10,000 lives)
Spent the largest surplus in the history of the country and nearly bankrupted the treasury.
(this largest surplus was a total projection. clinton "balanced" it back in the 90s but it was projected to balance out sometime in the next decade, it never really did. also, see above comments about forcing a debtor nation on us)
Shattered records for the biggest annual deficit in history.
(very possible, but I'd like to see numbers from World War 2 adjusted for inflation)
Presided over all time economic record for most private bankruptcies filed during any Presidency, beating the previous record, which was set during the depression years.
Set all-time record for biggest loss of value in the history of the stock market during any Presidency.
(this fact is a total misrepresentation. Total Value, yes, but it was only a moderate percentage of the total wealth of the country. The Great Depression was a total wiping out of the US economy. again, adjust for inflation)
Helped "push" through Congress and then signed into law the largest overtime pay cut in US history, despite the fact that 3 out of 4 Americans opposed it.
(I dont know anything about this)
First President in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any President in US history.
After taking the entire month of August 2001 off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history, the September 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.
(he was the president yes, but the world trade towers had already been attacked before under clinton, and intel had them planning it back into 98. so fault bush for listening to the "dont worry, they cant actually do it" intelligence reports of the previous administration)
Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips of any President in US history.
(Its the nature of the beast now, both sides spend hundreds of millions a year on everything)
In my first three years in office over 3.3 million Americans lost their jobs.
(LOST jobs? yeah, but considering most of those people have since found NEW jobs kinda nullifies that statistic. I think that last report was around 2.5 million new jobs the last 2 years)
Presided over the all-time U.S. record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
Set the record for the fewest amount of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
(so he's not a glory hound...is that a problem?)
Presided over perhaps the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when ENRON corruption was revealed and many states faced bankruptcy.
(this is total bullshit too. what is the president supposed to do about Enron? if he gets involved he's accused of intervening because its the Oil biz, he does nothing because he shoulnt, its a law enforcement matter, and hes accused of not going after them because they're his friends. and as for state bankruptcy, thats reckless state spending from the over bloated late 90s economy on unnecessary social programs)
Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
(the strategic oil reserves would last the whole nation like 2 weeks if used. it would have no effect on prices, and it'd be nothing more than PR. gas prices have gone up because, initially, OPEC cut supply to raise prices from the rediculously cheap 1.00 a gallon it was last year and the IRAQ war has caused oil panic on top that that reduced supply. oh, and back in 1999, there was a report that, adjusted for inflation, the historical average of a gallon of gasoline in America was 1.60. So add a few years of extra inflation and say its 1.62 now. is 30 cents more during a time of war really that rediculous? people in california, im sorry, but its all taxes that you pay so much more.)
Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans while posing on aircraft carriers in a flight suit and despite praising the troops at every opportunity.
(I dunno about that one either)
Inspired the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest a US decision to go to war (15 million people).
(congrats, .01% of the worlds population marched against the president because we wouldnt forgo our sovereignity to the United Nations)
My administration is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history, surpassing the secrecy of the Nixon administration at its darkest moments.
(maybe, but then again it seems like everything in here is pretty out in the open)
Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her).
(this is funny because in the Congress, the Democrats have more millionaires than the Republicans do. Sen. Corzine alone from New Jersey is worth like half a billion dollars.)
Presided over the worst fiscal crisis to hit all 50 states of the Union since World War II.
(I dont know what this is referring to. the small recession of 99-02 was the lightest one in american history)
Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud (ENRON, WorldCom, Global Crossing) of any market in any country in history.
(once again, what is this president to do about this? those companies existed, and were cooking books well before 2000. its not the presidents job to go into every corporation and see if they're doctoring their profits. thats the SEC's job, and they sucked at it apparently)
First President in US history to order an unprovoked attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
(well, A) the spanish american war was relatively unprovoked and B) the iragi's had been taking shots at american warplanes since the end of the first persian gulf war, IN DIRECT VIOLATION of the cease fire they signed.)
First President in US history to start a war against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
(again, seeing as how the "world community" is barely 50 years old and wouldnt exist if the US hadnt saved them all from Totalitarianism at some point, I think they should be grateful we even bothered to ask their opinion and for some help.)
Created the largest new government bureaucracy (Department of Homeland Security) in the history of the United States.
(yeah, largest NEW bureaucracy. the DOD employs like a million people, that was created by Truman, a democrat)
Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any President in US history.
(i have a hunch this is another not adjusted for inflation number)
First President in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.
(This is completely political bullshit. Bush didnt say, "hey, take us off." This human rights commission is a gigantic fraud anyway. If China is on it, yet not the United States, its totally illegitamate.)
Along with my Attorney General, John Ashcroft, I have eroded the civil liberties of American citizens more than at any other time in US history.
(absolutely not true, there are Alien and Sedition acts at various points in American History that made it illegal to criticize the governent. the Patriot Act, while very iffy in regards to personal privacy, doesnt restrict free speach)
After the 9/11 attacks, I lobbied for and signed into law the "rush job" Patriot Act, which legalized "Big Brother-like" surveillance of US citizens for the first time in history.
I disregard states rights when it suits me, but I always run for office on a platform that holds states rights above federal rights.
(thats the President, states rights is damn near a dead concept anyway)
I've imprisoned more sick people for growing and smoking medicinal Cannabis than any other president, in violation of states rights, of course, and against the wishes of the states and local voters.
(one state as far as I know, california. and it wasnt bush, it was the Supreme Court that deemed their legal pot laws to be incompatable with the federal laws criminalizing it)
Withdrew from the World Court (International Court of Justice) and I refuse to recognize it unless it gives my administration, the US and global corporations special immunity.
(if you want the possibility of being arrested by a foreign power, tried in front of a foreign court, under foreign rules with a possibility of not gaining legal representation, then the World Court is for you)
I have kept 660 prisoners of war in Guantanamo Bay for two years without charging any of them. I've cleverly classified them as "enemy combatants", thereby allowing me to circumvent the Geneva Convention when I feel like it.
(it was legal within the convention rules to do this, so whats the problem. if it was the other way around, all those people would have been decapitated by now in their own countries.)
All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
(maybe, at least they got their money from American Business and not the Chinese like the Clintons and Gore.)
my hands are tired and most of the rest of this stuff was complaining about why the world hates us now. NEWS FLASH, they didnt like us before. they just felt sympathy right after 9-11...and some still said we deserved it even then.
|» (No Subject)|
You Are a "Don't Tread On Me" Libertarian
You distrust the government, are fiercely independent, and don't belong in either party.
Religion and politics should never mix, in your opinion... and you feel opressed by both.
You don't want the government to cramp your self made style. Or anyone else's for that matter.
You're proud to say that you're pro-choice on absolutely everything!
I guess I should give a "post breakup" update to all you faithful readers.|
well, lisa and I are friends now, and for a change Im really comfortable with that. It's nice to not be so aggravated about our situation so soon after breaking up.
Josh came over this past weekend and my friend Eric (who I hadnt seen in probably a year) joined us on saturday.
as for friday, josh showed up around 8 I think, and we went out and bought a bunch of booze and food at wal mart to prep for the weekend. I'd been talking to Becky (an aquaintance/friend of lisa's from back in high school) since earlier in the summer and we'd talked a bunch the last few weeks. Anyway, she said her and her friend would like to go out with us tonight and so they came by around 10-10:30ish and started getting pre-drunk with josh and me. That right there makes them something special, cuz its always nice to not be dumb and drunk while the girls are sober when driving to the bar. So we went to Buddy and Pals in Winfield first, nice place, a little old though. So we up and jogged to Woodhollow over in Schererville and had a blast. I'd like to think I danced pretty well and Becky definately didnt seem to mind. Josh and Karin had a good time together from what I can tell and everyone went home happy. I did have a scare thinking my cat Rip escaped, but it was a false alarm.
Saturday was pretty slow, Josh was in Chi-town all day working on his darth vader costume, and I pretty much vegged and talked to Becky online here about various things for a chunk of the afternoon. Eric called me at like 10 and said he'd gotten sloppy drunk for the Perdue game, but was still coming up and got here at like 12:30. So we all boogied to Buddy and Pals here in town and stood in the cold ass line for 10 minutes while girls behind us bitched and moaned. None of us wanted to get drunk again so we just kinda sipped for a bit. I found lisa, wished her a happy birthday, and realizing my friends were bored suggested we go to Sementos and play darts. Well, the darts were busy so we played pool till 3, had a damn good time I think, had some Steak and Shake afterwards, and then came back and we were all asleep within 15 minutes probably. Sunday was football day with eric, and around 5 he left and I went to lisa's birthday and we had a very nice night of watching a movie and hanging out. which we hadnt done in like 2 weeks, its been crazy how fast we moved on to other things and how spending time together was so easy now without all the relationship tension we used to have.
So all in all, a friggin great weekend thats gonna be tough to top. Josh is having a halloween costume party saturday night that I might be taking becky too, so cross your fingers it could be just as good. :-)
|» Trick me once, shame on you, trick me twice, shame on me...so whats 4 times?|
Im not saying anything that the people who read this dont already know...lisa dumped me...again...for another guy...again...pretty much outa nowhere...again...i mean, do i have a right to complain about this really? i mean, if the sun comes up 3 times in 3 days, its safe to assume that it's gonna come up a fourth right? This is what she does, she gives me hope that we can be what we were for the first year we dated, before lafayette, before DJ before Bloomington before the layer after layer of torture that I've inflicted on or let her inflict on me. |
I have a list of people to apologize to:
My Parents: they absolutely warned me not to move here for a girl, and that was 2 breakups ago!
Missy Perry: Oh my god, i regret this most of all. the last time we hung out, the night saddam hussein was captured, we kissed for the very first time. it was completely random, completely movie-ish, and it was really really nice. she was laying on the "i want you to move back here" so think i decided to, all I had to do then was figure out how to nicely let down...
Magen: she is an awesome girl too, too much like me almost and instead of just keeping her at arms reach as we were in the proto-relationship stage at the time of the missy kiss, I decided to play the player and see how far I could get the whole time knowing I'd be moving home for missy. Im sorry magen, i've never treated a girl as badly as you, and I hope for my soul's sake that I never do it again.
Josh: Josh was all pumped when I told him I was moving back and that I was probably going to move in with him. He needed the rent I agreed to pay him and while I know it isnt the sole reason why he's on hard times financially, it sure as hell doesnt help I pulled out on him. He's the only one that has actually understood and stayed friends with me...except my parents obviously.
Nate: I've pretty much fallen out of friends with him since getting back together, we havent seen each other in probably a year and its harder and harder to get ahold of him. I really hope that this isnt as bad as it seems to be.
Eric: He jetted for lafayette the minute I told him I was moving to valpo and i havent seen him since. Talked a few times, he told me that moving for a girl was a bad idea too.
Megan: I really ripped into Megan last fall during my real rock bottom low-point for getting back together with this guy Torin who was her equivilent of Lisa. I havent had a phone call from her since I gave her the "good news" lisa and I were back together.
Mike: he's just an IPFW friend, but he was really excited about me moving back to Ft Wayne last year too, and kinda held it against me for a long time when I reneged.
Jesus, there's probably even more, I burned so many bridges in my mad quest to finally win lisa for me. This thing has all the trappings of a Greek Tragedy right down to the almost pitiful way I worship lisa as my only way to happiness.
Everyone, Im sorry. Hopefully I can make things better.
|» I love lisa|
look at the cool new LJ pic she gave me...I have to post for that ;-)|